Roller Coaster Ride

The research is simply exhausting. Yet, I have something inside of me that won't let me stop. Some days I feel pushed to do everything within my power to get him help to improve his life. The more educated and knowledgeable I am about apraxia, the more I can help him, right? Other days I feel I'm strong enough to just "accept" this for Alex's life and make the best of it. I feel guilty about both. How is that? If I'm willing to just sit back and accept "apraxia", then I feel guilty for not helping my son to reach his full potential. I'll always wonder where I might have failed him, or "what if" I had done this or that. If I'm pushing and pursuing, I feel as if I'm not accepting my child for what God gave me, and I want him to be something he can't be. I then feel I'm overreacting and I feel guilty that there are so many others out there with more severe issues with their special needs children and I should be thankful that Alex is such a bright loving healthy little boy. This journey is such a roller coaster ride of emotions...