INSURANCE WILL PAY!

I cried tears of joy and relief as I read these words in a letter we received this week from our insurance company... "After review of the information submitted, the original decision [denial] has been overturned. We find this service [speech therapy] to be Medically Necessary and Appropriate..." Alex will be starting private therapy again very soon with Miss Kate. We are THRILLED!

"And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and believing, you will receive." - Matthew 21:22

Why Worry When You Can Pray?

I lingered on this thought as I helped my mom pack up her things. As long as I can remember this little painted wooden banner saying "Why worry when you can pray?" has hung in our kitchen. I pack it away and wonder if she'll hang it in her new house. I often worry about Alex's future. Will he be able to overcome this speech disorder? How will others treat him? How will this affect his life long-term... his education, employment, relationships? I try very hard to put on a good game face and insist that things will work out and we will live happily ever after. I honestly do feel that this is all in God's hands. However, I am also human and feeling completely helpless in this whole situation. As a mother, that is a terrifying feeling. So much is still up in the air with our insurance company. My husband's employer's human resources department is telling us that coverage has been approved and yet the insurance company is telling us that no such decision has been made. I've already noticed Alex having a hard time with a word or two that he was using consistently in private therapy. I try to have him use his speech as much as often, such as the other night when he wanted me to open something for him, I had him repeat "open" a few times. Each time it came out sounding different from the last, and none of them correct. This is a word he was saying very well just weeks ago, and even since then as we've used it in causual reminders at home. I'm so frustrated and discouraged. Alex is such a sweetie pie. I just adore him. I want so much for this to be overwith. I do, however, have to remember to put things in perspective. He's alive... he's healthy... he's happy... and there is hope for his future. Why do I need to worry, when I can pray? Thank You, God, for blessing my life with my intelligent beautiful boy, Alex. Thank You for how he has touched my life and how this journey has brought me closer to You. Thank You for loving me even on days when I feel heavy laiden with worry, guilt, pitty, fear and doubt. Thank You for bringing me out of that pit and lifting me up again with your promises for his life. God, help me to trust that YOU alone are always in control, and may Your Will be done in Alex's life. Help give me strength to fight for him one more day, to teach him one more day, and to keep the faith one more day. Amen.

Choo Choo

We took a train ride this past weekend during the kids' fall break from school. They had a blast! Here's a cute picture of my littlest conductor watching the train go by. You can see that he's covering his ears as he often does to loud noises. I guess you just have to know Alex to really appreciate this picture.

If You Want Me To

I often speak about my faith through this journey. Some of you who visit our blog and are going through a similar situation may wonder how I seem to be so strong in the midst of uncertainty. Let me just be honest and say there ARE days where I question God. There are days when I feel angry, fearful, doubtful, and discouraged. I share these feelings with Him, and ask for strength and renewed faith as we continue this journey. I trust that He made my Alex and that He has a plan for his life, even if that plan is far different than MY dream for his life. The Bible assures me that Alex was "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14) and that God knows the plans He has for Alex, "plans to prosper you and not
to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). As I struggle with the right words to share my faith with you, I can think of no words better than the lyrics from the song "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens. May they be your words of faith and hope today as well.

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

(Chorus)
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordon,
Gonna scream, gonna shout
Gonna look into Your eyes and see
You never let me down

Sad Day

I am overcome with so many emotions today. I do not want to accept that today was Alex's last day for private therapy with our wonderful speech therapist. We received another letter of denial from our insurance company, and as the bills have piled high already, we simply cannot afford to keep going at this point. I do trust that this whole situation is within God's control and He cares about it. He cares about my little Alex. It's so hard sometimes when you don't understand why things aren't going as you would want them to. God's plan is bigger and better. I must continue to believe that. This isn't over yet. We cannot afford to give up. Alex will most likely need YEARS of therapy to overcome this disorder. I'm so proud at how much he's learned in just the last few months, but we still have so far to go. I was so confident in the therapy he was receiving from our beloved "Miss Kate" and we will miss her terribly. I am SO thankful that God put her in our lives, even for such a short time as this. At this point I simply don't know what else I can do, but I will continue to pray for strength and guidance to keep going in this journey. Thank you to those of you who have offered up your own prayers for us.